I recently tried mapping out the various paths a knight piece could take to get an idea of what spaces were relatively safe from its L-shaped wrath. Long story short, knight can wind up a lot of places a novice might not expect. Where they can end up changes a great deal move to move, and the L-shape is just unintuitive enough to feel sneaky.

Had I the sheer audacity to redesign chess pieces without changing the rules associated with them, I might turn the knights into rogues (apologies to anyone terrible offended by the very idea).

With rooks, I like the idea of someone who charges. I'd say they could be knights, but I have to admit I'm very specifically picturing Sir Lancelot from Monty Python and the Holy Grail charging when I say that.

Bishops could be someone whose GPS is on the fritz. They're trying to get somewhere, but the tiles they're trying to get to are ones they can never reach by only moving diagonally.

Kings could be anyone, really, but I'm going to say someone who spends all their time playing MMORPGs and only moves when they have to.

Queens are influencers who lack the social awareness to realize there are places they shouldn't go, and that's combined with the aura to keep most people from saying anything.

Pawns are the audience of the queen who want to be influencers themselves.

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- Saturday EGSNP