Intent is not a prerequisite for rudeness. I'm not saying it doesn't matter or anything, just that you can be rude by accident, and I can understand not liking the whole "let's have slowness happen via magic weight gain" thing.
There are a few reasons I decided to address this in the comic itself, one of which being I like Tedd's temper tantrum (that is effectively poking fun at myself), and another is that it segues well into what I want to talk about next.
The bottom slider option is inspired by at least one Saints Row game (I can never remember if it was in just one game or not), plus the simple fact that plenty of people would prefer it not be binary.
Speaking of the sliders, height change would be another option for slowing down enemies, and I believe shrinking was even mentioned as a way to slow them down earlier. I didn't consider it for the previous comic, however, because I was thinking of changes that would affect a single variable, and I think a significant height reduction would affect more than just movement speed.