I was planning to start making jokes about another actual game for several comics today, BUT I've been ranting about this idea in various places for the past couple days, and I wanted to make a comic about it now because I'd have to wait a while to do it otherwise.
And yes, this is sincere. Well, not so much the "they've got it all wrong" bit. Those games having stories isn't so much "wrong" as "not what I am personally looking for". I played a little of Assassin's Creed 2, and I didn't really care about anything other than parkouring my way through... Um.. Wherever that game took place? Look, I wasn't paying attention. I was too busy running around.
Mirror's Edge seems similar to me in certain respects. The running around seems like all you should need for a cool game, but they have a grand plot that necessitates our unarmed hero, Parkour Person, dealing with armed enemies and cut scenes.
The reason my grand game scheme is something like delivering pizzas is that, on top of adding a bit of absurd humor, it's a simple timed goal that incentivises trying riskier parkour maneuvers and paths for better times and scores while focusing entirely on the type of gameplay I want. I think it might be best in third person, and it's possible I wouldn't even be considering first person if I didn't first think of it while hearing about Mirror's Edge.
Something like it will probably never happen, but I can dream.